Jameson Dublin International Film Festival 2008

Be gorra and be the hokey, sure doesn't time fly and indeed and it does. Ah yeah, seems like only yesterday PCMR sat down in the sold out Savoy One to gorge on the delights of 'Curse of the Golden Flower', one of the best films of last year in my book. And of course there was 'Metropolis' at the National Gallery, another one of my movie highlights of 2007. For a full run-down of PCMR's adventures at the festival last year, have a look at these little beauties.

The 2008 festival runs from February 15th to 24th, and there is a sample of the schedule alread up on the official site. PCMR can at least tell you that 3Epkano are back, this time to provide the live soundtrack to 'Pandora's Box' in the Savoy... sounds promising!

There's even an opportunity to work at the festival this year. For those interested in doing a bit of film-related volunteer work, while possibly getting loads of free cinema tickets (PCMR does not guarantee you will get any free cinema tickets - Ed) check out the official JDIFF site.

Keep an eye on the site, the full schedule's sure to be up in the next few weeks... but fear not! If you can't make it, PCMR will be there to report on the best of what's there.

Atonement

The Verdict: Passable, if predictable tear-jerker, with one outstanding performance. (Not Ikea Knightley).

The Rating: 6/10

What's that? Surprised that PCMR took in a romantic period drama? Well, every now and again, one of these movies comes along that achieves a certain level of omnipresence, making it increasingly difficult to avoid. However, the straw that broke the camel's back for me was surely the golden globe nomination for Ikea Knightley (Tip o' the hat to Mark Kermode for that joke – Ed). Curious at this decidedly queer turn of events, I thought it wise to investigate.

Right, so movies like 'Atonement' require a certain amount of suspension of disbelief from audience members like me. More, say than from proper fans of the romantic tear-jerker genre, so my views may be tempered by a degree of reticence towards, for example, an upper-class 1930's English countryside setting. Or, say, posh kids who say words like ra-ther, with the emphasis on the 'ther'.

Ok, this taken on board, 'Atonement' is the story of Cecelia (Ikea) and Robbie (James MacAvoy). Cecelia (or 'Cee' to her chums) is a toff, and Robbie is an orphan rapscallion, taken in by Cee's benevolent Father and happily given a splendid education, but he's still a bit rough around the edges you see, sort of a rough diamond type of fellow. The story of these two is initially told from the perspective of Cee's younger sister Briony, who is 'somewhat fanciful', and fond of writing stories. Now, Cee and Robbie totally fancy each other right from the off, and unusually for the British period drama, their love is 100% requited.

Yep, this pair actually get together, but almost instantly after their first clinch, the movie's potential for drama shifts from the unrequited love scenario to the tragic separation scenario. I'm not sure if the awareness of this fact will spoil the movie for the target audience, because most of them will watch Atonement mainly to have a good little cry. (... not that there's anything wrong with that. - Ed)

That aside, Knightley and MacAvoy are quite good, but really only have straight-forward enough romantic roles to tackle (Passion, tragedy, that sort of meat and two veg stuff). The real star of the movie is Romola Garai, who plays the 18-year-old Briony. She is believable as the repentant, sorrowful sister hoping for redemption for a mistake she made as a child.

The celebrated long Dunkirk beach shot (which you may or may not have heard of) is impressive, but these shots usually just make me feel like the director is showing off. For example, 'Snake Eyes' had a 15 minute opening shot, which was certainly impressive, but Da Palma couldn't make the rest of the movie any good. In Atonement, the long expansive shot of the beach didn't make me feel like I was there, and didn't shock me as to the horrors of war. Nope, it only served to make me more conscious that I was watching a movie. Bad thing for me.

The first hour is enjoyable, the second less so. If you like this sort of thing, you'll probably cry a little, but I don't think Atonement will stand the test of time as a classic by any means. Knightley didn't do enough to warrant a Golden Globe gong for me, but admittedly she did look great, and wasn’t quite as annoying as in some of her previous movies. MacAvoy didn't do himself any harm, but Garai was great. This isn't my favourite genre, but I'm pretty sure that romantic period dramas have more to offer than Atonement.

American Gangster

The verdict: Thoroughly enjoyable. 'Serpico' meets 'Blow', with Ridley Scott directing Denzel as a bad guy. At 150 minutes, perhaps a little long for some, but not for me.

The rating: 7/10

American Gangster... now here's a genre that's been done before. Da Palma's 'Scarface' charted the ultra-violent rise of a disenfranchised immigrant to 1970's American drug overlord with hees leetle friend. Michael Mann's 'Heat' was a cop and robber character study, toying with the audience's desire to root for the good guy. Sidney Lumet's 'Serpico' was also set in the 70's, and focussed just on the cops, with Pacino this time surrounded by corrupt cops, and very definitely the one to root for. However, the gangster genre was arguably defined immutably by Coppola's 'Godfather' trilogy, and rubber-stamped for good measure by Scorcese with 'Goodfellas'. (Jeez, Al Pacino's made some good movies! - Ed)

So where do you go from there? What can even Ridley Scott bring to the table that we haven't already seen before? Well, casting Denzel Washington as the ganster is an excellent start, and pitting Russell Crowe against him as the embattled moral crusader surrounded by dirty cops is another plus, but when the story is based on fact, well, that adds even further to the mystique.

Set in 1970's New York, the drug enforcement agency is riddled with corruption, and heroin is the drug of choice on the streets. The good guys are far from clean, with institutional payoffs the order of the day, from beat cops to judges. Detective Richie Roberts (Crowe) makes a name for himself in the force as a bit of a Serpico when he and his partner turn in a million dollars in drug money, rather than distributing it around 'the guys'. As a result, he becomes a pariah, and is eventually recruited for a special task force to tackle the drug problem, without involving dirty cops.

Meanwhile, Lucas (Washington) is importing heroin directly from Vietnam, and is bringing heroin to the streets of New York that is purer than his competitors and at a lower price. Interestingly, Lucas dissociates himself from the evil that he purveys with the conviction and eloquently persuasive language of the successful businessman. He is giving his customers the product they demand, at higher quality, and at the right price. They don't care who he is, any more than he cares who is in charge of the national dairy board, right?

The inevitable rise of Lucas to crown prince of Harlem is charted alongside Det. Roberts travails to find the man behind this new heroin product spreading like wildfire on American streets, known as 'blue magic'. Lucas proves hard to catch however, as he spurns does the ostentatious pimp stylings of many of his competitors, and leads a relatively austere existence, albeit with more of the trappings of wealth than De Niro's character in Heat, for example.

This involving story trundles along at a nice pace, and we're in the hands of Ridley Scott here for god's sake, so the length of the movie (two and a half hours) wasn't really an issue for me. The only issue I had with 'American Gangster' was the scope. It is attempting to be an expansive epic in the same vein as 'Goodfellas', but is not quite as tight. The twin track of the stories means that two central characters require equal, and separate development for the story to work, and essentially each character story could have been the lead in a movie of his own. Frank Lucas' story would work in the same way as 'Blow', which was a very similar story of a man named George Jung, the guy credited with the rise of Cocaine in New York in the 1970's. Meanwhile, alongside this, as I've said, Roberts' story is similar to that of Pacino's character in 'Serpico'.

Putting all this aside for a moment, 'American Gangster' is a very enjoyable movie in it's own right. Denzel is excellent as the nuanced bad guy, and should definitely experiment a little more with this type of character. Russell Crowe is also in his area of expertise here, as the troubled good guy, and reminded me of how great he was in 'The Insider'. The setting is excellently rendered on screen, and I wouldn't want to have lived in the projects or anything, but 1970's harlem is a great backdrop for a movie like this.

As a footnote, Cuba Gooding Jr. is in this movie, and he doesn't suck! Unbelievable though it may seem, readers, I shit you not!

This streak of originality aside, although American Gangster is a very enjoyable movie, and will be in most critics 'top 10' lists of the year, it's unfortunaely not imbued with enough originality or style of its own to topple any of the existing giants of the genre.

War

The Verdict: Bog-standard actioner. Disappointing, considering the promising cast.

The Rating: 4/10

Action movies are really about escapism. Total immersion in a good action movie is a wonderful thing, achieved when your attention is totally focussed on the screen, and your immediate surroundings are temporarily forgotten. Even with the best flicks, this kind of voluntary immersion is dependent on a certain amount of suspension of disbelief (SOD) on the part of the viewer. Hollywood producers take note, PCMR has uncovered a scientific formula to calculate how immersed your audience will be! Yes that’s right fat cats, put down the Cuban cigar for the moment, and stop counting those dollars, this formula may make you even richer! Here it is:

SOD = (O – C)

Or in other words, Suspension Of Disbelief is equal to Originality less Cliché. When SOD is less than zero, tolerance levels drop below critical levels, with punters more likely to move to the lobby for popcorn, or to the pause button and the kettle.

With Statham and Li's previous outing - 'The One' – there was enough originality to keep the SOD factor positive, making what could have been a pretty ridiculous movie thoroughly enjoyable. (And Jet Li fought himself! Dude! – Ed). Unfortunately 'War' hits sub-zero SOD levels very very early.

Essentially, Statham's partner and best friend gets killed and he becomes so obsessed with revenge that his previously idyllic relationship with his wife and child breaks down. (3 cliches already!). He's an FBI agent (4) monitoring the ongoing battle between the warring Triads and Yakuza gangs in San Francisco, while keeping an eye out for the rogue agent who murdered his partner. Throw in a car chase here (5), a motorbike chase there (6), loads of standard shoot-out gun play (... say 10), and nowhere near enough chop-socky fights between Statham and Li (one!) and the impulse to say 'sod it' becomes harder to ignore.

Anything original to report? Well, Jet Li is a bad guy... and that's about it really. Everything else here is formulaic, from the hammy, cardboard cut-out Yakuza and Triad baddies, to the cheesy female characters, and the bizarre CSI-inspired belief that to make characters cool and edgy, shades and a leather jacket will do the trick, no matter what they say and do. With an SOD this low, you'll be itching in your seat, pointing out plot holes and less likely to give a toss about what eventually happens. The ending does attempt valiantly to surprise, but by then it's just too little too late.

Jason Statham should really be aiming higher than this kind of bog-standard fare. And Jet Li came out of retirement for this? Take PCMR's advice: avoid this unoriginal, cliché-riddled movie, and consider it a lucky escape.

I Am Legend

The Verdict: '28 Days Later' meets 'Cast Away' in this derivative of 'The Omega Man'. Slow-burning, watchable and inoffensive, but not legendary.

The Rating: 6/10

Will Smith has been at the helm of many star vehicles over the course of his career, so it may come as a bit of a surprise that he’s only been in a couple of sci-fi movies. (Unless you count wicky wicky Wild Wild west!? – Ed). Since the execrable 'Independence Day', he’s flogged a couple of franchises to death ('Men In Black' and 'Bad Boys'), made plenty of home-cooked apple-pie family entertainment ('Hitch' and 'The Pursuit Of Happyness') and even had a realistic Oscar shot ('Ali'). My own opinions of the man and the relative quality of these movies aside for a moment, I must doff my cap to the Fresh Prince, for he has quietly and carefully crafted a Hollywood career for himself, and now sits indisputably in the exclusive A-list category.

Big Willy Will's latest star vehicle had a stellar opening weekend, raking in $76 million in U.S. theatres. However, it may be stating the obvious, but box-office success isn't any guarantee of quality: two relevant examples illustrating this point being 'Bad Boys II' and 'The Pursuit of Happyness'. Hollywood marketing is as powerful as any propaganda machine, and if the right sort of internet buzz is also behind a movie, a wide-scale big bang release at the right weekend can generate a huge return before any negative word-of-mouth can spoil the party.

Although more of a slow-burning cruise than a wham-bam roller-coaster ride, I have to admit, I am Legend is a lot better than many of Will Smith's previous big screen outings. Giving a nod, a wink, and masonically baring its nipple to zombie movie classics, and essentially deriving a story outline from 'The Omega Man' (Smith's character shares the name of Charlton Heston's from that movie), the movie starts with the Fresh Willenium as the last man alive in New York. Around a thousand days have passed since some sort of cataclysmic event, and W2K is struggling to survive, hold on to his sanity, and feed his dog.

The opening scenes are very reminiscent of '28 Days Later', and there is one moment that was almost entirely lifted from 'Shaun of The Dead', but the scenes in an abandoned New York, overgrown with tundra, and awash with wild animals are interesting and unique enough to grab the attention of the audience in the opening moments. The pace of the movie is very different to those two however, owing more in terms of inspiration to Tom Hanks’ Castaway, although without the scraggly beard and cries of "Willsooonnn!" to grate on the nerves.

It's a neat script, with a slow-burning opening sequence, a well-timed turning point around half-way through, followed by a neatly packaged ending. Fresh Willy has enough presence to keep the audience's interest and sympathies in the first hour, and the understandably creeping insanity of his character adds a nice edge to his usually syrupy good-guy persona. The fact that he's accompanied by a dog in the first hour of the movie allows for conventional dialogue (man-dog as opposed to man-volleyball - Ed), and these initial scenes, although the slowest of the movie, are in my opinion the strongest. Although gradually, we learn more about the cataclysm and some rather zombie-like survivors eventually surface, the post-reveal scenes are something approaching more conventional Hollywood action fare, and were less exciting for this reviewer.

'I am Legend' has enough quality and production value to make it watchable, and it certainly has its moments. The thing is, in the hands of a less 'bankable' lead actor, perhaps willing to take more genuine risks, the script could have been a little less flat-packed, and perhaps displayed more imagination. The infected, for example, were simply monsters in the dark, and only scary enough to earn this movie a PG-13 rating. I felt more could have been done with this aspect of the film.

As it is, 'I Am Legend' will reward fans of this genre with references to well known apocalypse and zombie movies past, and also be off-beat enough to engage those new to the genre. Fans of the big Willie will see him acting his socks off, and in fairness to him, he delivers a decent performance.

All in all, another good career move for big Will in terms of the high-stakes popularity contest that is Tinseltown. He may not achieve legendary status as a pioneering craftsman of original movies, but he's certainly a bona fide Hollywood star.

I am Legend is in cinemas now.

Capturing the Friedmans

The verdict: Absorbing, devastating real-life story which challenges the viewer to decide who is telling the truth.

The rating: 8/10

Capturing the Friedmans tackles some particularly difficult source material. Arnold Friedman was a school teacher accused of molestation, and this documentary recounts his story and that of his family, as told from the perspective of his wife, kids, brother, the police involved in the investigation and some of the kids he taught.

What makes this movie of particular interest however, is the large amounts genuine home movie footage shot by Friedman's three sons over the course of this ordeal. As their family unravels, they record the chaotic events inside the Friedman house, while the media reports chart events outside, making this a 'reality' story imbued with real emotional turmoil and genuine surreality. All of this footage is supplemented by accounts from the people at the centre of the storm.

The media and police would profer the simple explanation that Friedman plead guilty and was convicted of these crimes, and therefore was a despicable monster, undeserving of any further attention from anyone. The real story, however, is far more nuanced. The Friedmans were a seemingly wealthy middle-class Jewish family. Arnold was a popular teacher, with a successful career and three kids, with whom he had a close relationship, as the Friedman home video footage shows.

However, things start to unravel when Arnold Friedman receives a magazine in the post from the Netherlands, featuring pornographic images of underage boys. The house is searched, and more such magazines are found. As the police investigation continues, whispers of 'inappropriate touching' become fully-fledged abuse allegations, and suddenly the community of Great Neck is in full paedophile alert. To make matters worse for the Friedman family, Arnold's son Jesse is also implicated in the allegations.

This movie uses the accounts of the people involved in this trial, and the Friedman's home video footage, to re-examine the case with the benefit of perspective. As Friedman's past is recounted, and his brother and wife are interviewed, we learn more about the character of the man, and the details of his certainly unconventional upbringing, and early sexual history. As his sons are interviewed, we learn more about the strong family bond that existed between father and sons, but certainly not between mother and the rest of the family.

It is a harrowing movie, revealing detail after detail of the events surrounding the trial in such a way as to challenge the audience's perception of what actually happened. Friedman sr's guilt is not really on trial, but the method of his incarceration is certainly evaluated with a cold eye. As to Friedman jr, the details surrounding his arrest and trial are particularly harrowing, including the bizarre home video footage of the night before his sentencing.

'Capturing the Friedmans' is hard-hitting, intelligent and difficult, as it forces the audience to view the facts surrounding an intensely emotional issue with a cold logical eye. As the movie progressed, I found myself questioning who I sympathised with, as well as questioning who was telling the truth, and how much truth they were really revealing.

This is fascinating stuff, and heartily recommended.

Nine Songs

The verdict: Sex, drugs and rock and roll... but it's stultifyingly boring.

The rating: 3/10

I haven't seen many of Michael Winterbottom's movies, bar the two featuring Steve Coogan ('Tristram Shandy' and '24 Hour Party People'), but he is certainly eclectic, and something of an enigma. Considering I enjoyed both movies just mentioned, and given that his new one ('A Mighty Heart') is getting great press, I thought it only fair to take a look at what many reckon to be his worst movie: 'Nine Songs'. (I only watched it for the articles though.)

Nine Songs features a number of popular rock bands playing live, as Winterbottom was granted permission to commit shows from groups such as Primal Scream and Super Furry Animals to celluloid. The plot of the movie (for what it is) centres around the rather dull Matt (incongruously, Kieran O'Brien from the 'Goal' movies!) and the fairly annoying Lisa (Margot Stilley) as they attend some concerts, and have sex afterwards.

Now, this was a controversial movie on it's release, because it features nookie, and lots of it. Yes siree, the two stars of this one certainly got to know each others ins and outs. Ahem. Uglies are bumped pretty much every five minutes in this one, and we see all the bits and pieces normal mainstream movies leave out. Put it this way, if it was an ad for shower gel, we'd see the nipple. In this case, Winterbottom shows us everything you'd expect from a porn movie, although - and this may sound facetious, but it's true - Nine Songs is relatively lacking in character development and believable dialogue. The two main characters begin shagging in this one after just a couple of lines of narrated dialogue, which is pretty impressive, even by porn standards, and at the end of the movie, we hardly know them any better.

This movie gets old pretty fast. The sex scenes become dull and invasive very early on, as we learn little or nothing about this monster with two backs that's huffing and puffing on the screen in front of us. The story is wafer thin, and appears to have been cobbled together with a voiceover and some creative editing. The two main characters are as anonymous at the end of the movie as they were in the beginning, and the ending of the movie is perfunctory and unemotional.

Winterbottom filmed this in the Paul Greengrass 'shaky hand-held' style, but where Greengrass creates immediacy and brings the audience closer to the events on-screen, in nine songs, Winterbottom creates an amateurish, home-movie feel, which makes thing all the more uncomfortable and stifling to watch. Even the concert footage is emotionless and distant, failing to capture any of the excitement of being at any of the gigs featured. I can't imagine the Super Furries or Elbow were too happy with this finished movie after lending their music to it.

An unmitigated failure in my book, the only plus point being the sixty six minute running time. Only that I was watching it at home, I would have walked out. God bless Michael Winterbottom for coming back from this to make 'A Mighty Heart', and this tosh still won't prevent me from seeing that one. But take it from me folks, 'Nine Songs' is rubbish, and more of a cock and bull story than Tristram Shandy. Avoid.

The King of Kong

The verdict: A surprisingly genuine and inspirational story of a man's struggle to be his own man, and be the best in the world... at Donkey Kong.

The rating: 8/10

This is a movie about video games, but I'm not talking about MMORPG's, Nintendo Wiis, Playstations, or even Sega Megadrives. The games featured in this movie pre-date Commodore 64's and possibly even the 2600 from Atari. We're talking arcade games here, and the originals, such as Donkey Kong, Pacman, Q-Bert and Frogger. 'The King of Kong' tracks the origins and development of the people who hold the world records at these classic video games, and how since 1982, the competition to hold one of these records has been as fierce as in any competitive sport - I kid you not.

Since 1982, Billy Mitchell has held the record at Donkey Kong, but this is really someone else's story. I was surprised how involved I got in this tale of Steve Wiebe, (pronounced wee-bee) a normal, honest, hard-working guy who loved his wife and kids, but somehow never lived up to his potential. His father pushed him to be the pitcher for the school baseball team, and expected him to follow in his footsteps, becoming an engineer at Boeing, and work there for the rest of his life. Steve didn't really live up to his old man's expectations however, leaving baseball behind to play the drums with his garage band, and getting laid off from Boeing the day he signed mortgage papers with his wife.

As his wife says in the movie, Steve was 'searching for something', and one day heard of the organisation known as 'Twin Galaxies', established by Walter Day - the self-appointed regulator of all video game world record attempts - back in 1982. Wiebe took it upon himself to go for the top score, and set about trying to beak Billy Mitchell's world record.

Now, I don't want to tell you more about this movie, because it really caught me off-guard. At first, I found myself amused by the nerdy characters involved in the 'Twin Galaxies' crew, but gradually, I was taken in. The story becomes something that Will Ferrell could option for himself, with Billy Mitchell every inch the real life 'Ben Stiller from Dodgeball' of video gaming. Meanwhile, Wiebe is the honest guy just trying to make a mark for himself.

I don't want to spoil it for you, but I heartily recommend this movie. The filmmaker Seth Gordon understands that the people involved can tell the story better than anyone, and wisely stays behind the camera, letting the protagonists play out the drama for us, building slowly towards a guinness world record attempt, and a live showdown between Billy Mitchell (boo!) and Steve Wiebe (hooray!).

The story is strong enough to transcend video games, and could be transposed to any sporting scenario, or situation involving a struggle for glory. All the central characters have given part of their lives to this story, and it is worth hearing as a result. Seek this out, and you won't be disappointed.

No news yet of an Irish release date, but click here for the (rather noisy) official site.

Seraphim Falls

The verdict: A slow-burning western, not without it's charm.

The rating: 6/10

'Seraphim Falls' is very marketable movie: it's a beautiful looking western with a great cast, and it's pretty watchable, if a little on the dull side. However, even when the movie was released in Ireland, the country of origin of the movie's two leading men, there was nary a whisper about it. Were Neeson and Brosnan on the Late Late show, and I missed it perhaps? Who knows, but I remember seeing one poster for this movie, and one review on TV, before it sank into obscurity.

Movie marketing just makes no sense to me. At some point in the mogul hierarchy, a decision is made whether to promote a movie or not, and for some reason, the 'Norbit' gets blanket media coverage for a fortnight, and movies like this, and others, such as 'Thank You For Smoking' must rely on word of mouth and peer recommendation to find an audience.

Ok, rant over. This Western is an old-fashioned slow-burning story in three acts that pits Liam Neeson's posse in pursuit of lone wolf Pierce Brosnan. The odds are stacked against Gideon's survival right from the opening moments of the movie, and he must struggle manfully to stay alive. This western is more 'Apocalypto' than 'Unforgiven', but if Gibson's Mayan pursuit movie was a hundred metre dash, this is more like a Winter Olympic biathlon, with the protagonists travelling long distances before stopping every now and again to shoot at each other.

Gradually, over the course of the chase, we learn of a dark secret that bonds these two men. Brosnan's character - and performance - is the more interesting of the two however, as the script is craftily fashioned to engineer the audience's sympathies for him in the first half of the movie, despite our knowledge that he must have done something wrong to be chased so relentlessly by Liam Neeson. I mean come on, that's Oscar Schindler for chrissakes, you've got to really piss him off to make him want to get a posse together!

As the pursuit progresses, we gradually get to know the two men better, as well as the tragic events that have given rise to Neeson's morbid pursuit. This is not a case of good guy chasing bad, but Neeson's motives for revenge are certainly black and white, while Brosnan's character is a little less cut and dry. Later, in the third act, things get more than a little allegorical and symbolic, with Anjelica Huston's appearance in particular resembling a devil at a crossroads, presenting these two men with choices that will ultimately decide their fate.

It's a beautiful looking film, and Brosnan is great in the lead role, with Neeson an excellent foil, even if he has relatively less to work with. The script is well constructed for the first two thirds, but jars a little when things start getting all surreal. Strangely, this movie's best moments were those when the characters weren't talking at all, and we're left to fill in the blanks. Some of the best scenes feature Brosnan's character using his survival skills, and there is more than a dash of 'First Blood' in some of his early scenes. However, later, when the back story is revealed in particular, my interest certainly waned a little, and the last third plodded a little for me.

I'm boggled why this movie was dropped by the marketing men, as it's got a lot going for it. Also, with '3:10 To Yuma' doing great business, and the Coen Brother's 'No Country for Old Men' being hailed as their best work in years, there could have been a wave of audience interest in Westerns to ride. As it is, this movie will probably sink to the 'straight-to-dvd' shelves, which is a shame, because it's not that bad. I won't lose too much sleep though, because it's not that great either.

Recommended for fans of the Western genre perhaps, and for those interested in Brosnan's post-Bond career-high performances. The man from Navan is really enjoying himself these days.

Shoot Em Up

The verdict: Clive Owen shoots bad guys while doing stuff (and Monica Bellucci) but even if it's intentionally cheesy and shallow, it lacks the genuine quality to make up for that.

The rating: 5/10

Every now and again, a 'laddish' film such as 'Shoot Em Up' is released that separates the critics into two distinct camps. On the one hand, you have the lads mags, the likes of FHM and Loaded calling it "non-stop gung-ho entertainment", and on the other, you have "big papers" like The Guardian using such a movie as an example of how modern cinema is being dumbed down.

At the level of the average movie viewer, this can often mean that such a movie becomes emblematic. For example, to admit to liking such a film is a statement that you know how to enjoy watching movies. Conversely to criticise such a film can leave you open to being seen as a bit of a cultural snob.

Now, before I give you the reasons why I didn’t like this movie, I'll ask you not to get me wrong, because I like my brainless entertainment as much as anyone. However, I'll add a bit of a proviso to that statement. Jason Statham's better movies (I'm thinking of 'Crank' and 'The One', for example) may appear at first glance to be brainless, but in my opinion this is by design rather than by accident. If you scratch a little below the surface of those movies, you'll find genuine creativity – these movies might be based on simple ideas, but they are at least a little original, they are well executed, and display a good sense of humour and enough quality to entertain.

'Shoot em up' is different. The premise of the movie is so contrived, it could have been dreamed up by Awesom-o. Anyway, the premise is thus: take John Woo's 'Hard Boiled' and remove Chow-Yun Fat. Insert Clive Owen, and numerous scenes where he shoots many many bad guys while doing cool stuff (like having sex with Monica Bellucci). Now, the premise isn't so bad, but there are so many scenes in here that are just crowbarred into the script because they sounded 'cool' (in a thoroughly self-conscious way, which of course, isn't that cool).

The action in Shoot em up is mildly entertaining at times, but the script, story and characters are just props, linking the assorted scenes of over the top gunplay. I don't know about you, but if I don't care whether the good guy lives or dies, then I’m not going to get too worried about whether he survives to the end or not.

Monica Bellucci is essentially a prop in this movie, appearing every now and again to explain what's going on to the audience, and provide a bit of agreeable T&A filler material before the next action sequence. Clive Owen isn't bad, but his dry cool one-liners are really terrible. He just doesn't have the comic delivery of an action hero. Paul Giamatti hams it up nicely, but he's working with peanuts here.

I know we should all be down with post-modern ironic entertainment, where movies like 'Grindhouse' and 'Hot Fuzz' have made it legitimate to make intentionally cheesy movies, as long as there is the occasional nod to the audience and of course, the original source material. However, this approach can wander into dangerous territory if it goes too far, and 'Shoot em up' is in the kind of 'Snakes on a Plane' territory. It's knowingly cheesy, but it's still cheesy. The one-liners might be written with the intention of making you groan, but the effect is the same. The action has been constructed to be ridiculous, but at the end of the day, is that going to give the audience real entertainment? This movie effectively steals from John Woo, and doesn't reward him for invoking his iconic image.

If you watch this film with the lads over a few cans, you might get enjoy it. Maybe I was just too damn sober for it. I'm going to give it a five, but not because I'm on a moral crusade against low-brow entertainment. No, this movie gets a five because I just didn't enjoy it that much.